Reblog: An Open Letter to Parents in Rensselaer County | Chuck and Kelly

I agree with much of what Kelly has to offer here.  I think that in the end, she gets off topic a little when describing the lives that these kids lead, she has no basis for that.  She is, however, right on when she says that the fact that only one kid showed up for this is disgusting.  Where is the parental responsibility here?    Thank you Kelly for sharing what many of us thought when hearing this very sad story.
  
An Open Letter to Parents in Rensselaer County | Chuck and Kelly

Recall Roundup 9/20/2013

Date	Brand                           (follow link for details)	Product	Recall Reason	Recall Volume
9/20/2013	Joie	Car Seat	Harness Safety Issue	undeclared
9/19/2013	Honda	Honda Odyssey and Acura MDX	Air Bag Issue	405,000
9/19/2013	Wegmans	Apple Cinnamon Mini Muffins	Undeclared soy	4,327
9/12/2013	Dutch Valley Food Distributors, Inc.	Honey Roasted Peanuts	Undeclared Milk and Wheat	undeclared
9/11/2013	Schwebel Baking Company	Golden Rich Buns with Honey	Undeclared Eggs	18,979
9/12/2013	Gree Electric Appliances	Dehumidifiers - 12 Brands	Fire Hazard	2,200,000
9/10/2013	Be Amazing Toys	Monster Science Growing Spider	Choking Hazard	26,500
9/9/2013	Talenti Gelato	German Chocolate Cake Gelato	Undeclared Almonds	undeclared
9/9/2013	Bubbles Baking Company	Blueberry Muffin Blueberry Loaf Cake	Undeclared Milk and Soy	9,229
9/6/2013	Pillsbury	Cinnamon Rolls With Icing	may contain fragments from a broken piece of plastic	undeclared
9/6/2013	McNeil	Motrin Infant Drops	may contain fragments from a broken piece of plastic	200,000
9/5/2013	Chobani	Greek Yogurt	reports of swelling and bloating	undeclared

Middle School Mission: Too Young to Help?

The bulk of my personal posts are about my daughter and my families journey with her.  I love writing those, but this one is a little different.  In my non-daddy life, I am very involved with youth ministry and I would love some crowd sourcing help around that today.  So I hope you will indulge my departure.  You see, when I think of my middle school experience, I think of girls changing best friends every 26 seconds, detentions for not getting homework done, and slow dances where you could fit a full set of the Encyclopedia Britannica (if you're under 25, look it up, you'll be amazed!) between the parties involved. I don't think that these memories are completely fabricated but I love that as an adult I get to see it from a different perspective.  

Today, Middle School kids never cease to amaze me.  I have been working with them in one capacity or another for eight years and have an immeasurable respect for them.  The difference between the sixth graders we get in and the eighth graders we confirm and graduate is immense.  With most kids, you would hardly recognize the person that walked in 3 years earlier.  I suppose that is not too surprising when we remember that the time they spend with us is 25% of their lives. 

I think one of the more impressive things about kids at this point in their lives is that, for most of them, nobody has convinced them yet that it is not cool to be engaged.  No one has broken them down so far that they stop caring about others and they think that anyone who would break them down like that is not worth their time anyway.  To be clear, I am definitely not deluded enough to think that there aren't horrible stories of bullying and abuse that can happen to kids at this age but overall, the light that is within them hasn't yet been covered by the proverbial bushel basket (I know, I know, it wasn't Proverbs but you get my point!)  When we give these kids a chance to help someone in need, whether it be on the mission trips we do over the summer, the weekend trips we do in the spring or helping feed the folks in our PADS homeless shelter, they shine.  We see them step up in ways that people might not expect.  One reason that I think that this group is so important to work with is so that when the world pushes itself onto them, they have a set of experiences to draw from which will support the inkling that they have the doing the right thing is worth it because it feels great.

The advisors for WildFaith, the middle school youth group at our church, have agreed to take on a huge challenge this year  which we can only do because we have absolute faith that our kids will step up the way they always have. We are going to raise the funds, make the food, and staff the cooking team for one Tuesday every month this PADS season.  Our kids have always cooked for PADS a few times a year but this is by far the largest commitment to mission that we have ever endeavored.  One Sunday a month of cooking will mean fewer weeks of playing sardines and board games and movie nights but it will mean a way to guarantee that our kids aren't the ones who don't know that they can do more than "want to" help.  They can actually impact lives directly. 

This was a wonderful opportunity for us but it comes after years of being told that 11-14 year olds are too young to help at several other mission opportunities.  So my question to parents and youth leaders reading this is this:  Where have you found fun, hands on, age appropriate mission opportunities for little kids and/or middle school kids?  If you have friends who are involved in mission or ministry, perhaps you could share this post with them, I would love to get some varied ideas for what groups, organizations and projects need help from our kids.  Thanks Everyone-- Comment Away!

You Don't Say!

A new study printed in the British Journal of Psychiatry tells us that kindergarteners who exhibit disruptive behaviors in school and receive attention to those issues may face a lower risk of abusing substances like drugs and alcohol during adolescence than those whose issues are not addressed.  I had a very quick gut response to that revelation--- DUH!

I truly hope that there were not a lot of resources pulled from other projects at University of Montreal to focus solely on this one.  I understand that we cannot act in all things based on logic without proof but it kills me that there was sufficient opposition to merit further study to the idea that taking kids who are acting out early in life and working with them will help them later in life.  Not only does working with the troubled kids teach them the tools to deal with the social challenges that are causing their anxiety or antisocial behavior.  It also teaches them that people care enough about them to try to help them.  The confidence that instills could certainly have a positive effect on a young person's social trajectory.  The reverse makes sense too, if a child is acting out and there is no help forthcoming a very important message is sent to that child as well.  Whatever validation or response or training they needed which caused the original behavioral issues has still not been addressed and their behavior will continue to suffer until those needs are met. 

I recognize that there are good reasons to do research on anything which may help funds become available to intervene as early as possible to help our kids but I found the outcomes of this study rather predictable.  Let's pray it can help the youngsters get the assistance they need as early as possible.

Tackling disruptive behavior in early childhood could prevent substance use in adolescence

Is Evolution Unfair to Women?

Many of us have seen or heard the results of the recent Emory University study probing the correlation between testicular size and nurturing parenting.  It made for fun radio banter for the overgrown 12 year old DJs and talk show hosts today and the amount of awful word play I saw today when reading about this was overwhelming (see here for instance.)  

For those who may have missed it the take away from most of the conversations was that men with smaller testicles tended to get the most joy out of being more nurturing fathers.  This was not wholly surprising since we learned 2 years ago in this Northwestern University study that your testosterone levels dropped some when you remained in a relationship and significantly farther after fatherhood.  It noted that the more paternal involvement, the lower the level.  This was fascinating at the time because it challenged the old school thinking that men were only wired to hunt and women to gather and take care of the kids. 

 

What was telling about the Emory study's results was that they found that

1) Testosterone levels were not strongly tied to testicular size

2) Bigger testes were ties to stronger, higher quality sperm

These 2 facts got me thinking.  Are our daughters genetically drawn to jerks who will leave them --or at least leave them to handle the child rearing-- because it's best for the species?  That seems a little unfair, doesn't it?  How could evolution, a system which has brought us so far have come to this?  The strongest sperm, the ones voted "most likely to succeed" in their sperm class, are from fathers who are not genetically programmed to be as engaged and nurturing as their weaker sperm classmates? 

Bedtime for Ducky

I have come a long way towards trusting all of those wonderful parents who have gone before me.  At the beginning, there was so much advice that I shut down and basically said "we are going to have to blaze our own trail." My aversion to advice left me not embracing food introduction order or bedtime routines.  I ignored keeping her away from people and not exposing her to animals.  Again, we decided to blaze our own trail and we did in ohh soooo many ways.  Ducky ate spicy foods and fed herself right from the beginning.  We had her at her first outdoor concert at 3 weeks old and she was at the Bristol Ren Faire by a couple months old.  She flew to both coasts in her first 6 months and through it all was a happy, well-adjusted baby about whom we had no serious complaints. 

More than anything, Ducky had always been a sleeper.  She started sleeping through the night at just a few weeks old.  She slept so much that we had to wake her up every night to feed her until her doctor was happy with her weight.  At times, she slept so deeply that I would have to put my finger below her nostrils to make sure I could feel the warm breath coming out.  During the first 5 months, when she was rock-sleeping, Ducky was sleeping either in the pack and play infant holder in our room or in our bed a la Dr. Sears' Method.  Around Thanksgiving, we decided it was time for her to move to her own bed.  Since I was staying at home with her, I volunteered to handle the transition which took 3 or 4 nights of gut wrenching crying.  I swear I went in at 5, 10, 12, 16, and 20 minute intervals but it seemed awful even though I knew she was OK.  Dr Ferber's follower's helped me get the first night down after about an hour and then we were at 20  minutes or less every night.  Within a few nights she was sleeping in her bed and fussing for no more than a few minutes.   

 This all ended after Christmas.  We were blessed that year to go to Washington State to visit Allie's parents for 10 days and while there, Ducky was forced to sleep with me because we didn't have her crib with us and Allie was ridiculously sick the whole time.  Convenient, I thought, since it meant she got the nice comfy bed while the baby and I shared an air mattress on the floor... Just saying.  This was a terrible idea.  When we got back, after a wonderful trip, we were exhausted and had to get back to our daily lives.  Ducky, on the other hand, was used to sleeping cuddled with me and not keen to give that up. So for the second time in a few months it was time to sleep train.  We punted.  For several months, we took the baby back with us and all seemed fine.  Eventually, with some Nyquil for Allie and Ferber-ization for the baby, we got her back in her crib and she started going to sleep after some fussing every night.  We took this as a win. 

It was a win, seriously, but here is where it got interesting.  In the last couple weeks, I got the baby into what everyone has been suggesting.... A Routine.  at We read books or play blocks for a while then at 8 PM we're in her room with the lights off and we sing songs until she calms and goes to sleep.  It seemed like a nice way to get her to bed and magically, it has started to work.  Tonight, when I brought the baby to bed, I started singing and immediately her head was on my shoulder.  A few minutes later, laid her down and there was no fussing,  just sleep.  We have been enjoying Puff the Magic Dragon, Lullaby by Billy Joel, Your Song by Elton John and a bunch of others including some wonderful hymns from my childhood.

So here is my question for all you parents out there.  What are some songs you remember singing to your kids before they had their own taste in music?  I know we will end up singing Barney or her equivalent thereof someday, but I am looking for some fun, wonderful songs to share.  Help me out!

Motrin Recall... Just another awesome function of your new favorite blog :)

Johnson and Johnson has issued a recall of some 200,000 bottles of Children's Motrin.
 Click here to see the full report.

"The recalled half-ounce bottles can be identified by their lot numbers: DCB3T01, DDB4R01 and DDB4S01. McNeil recommends that all consumers stop using the medication that’s affected and call the company for a refund at 1-877-414-7709."

What Should a Four Year Old Know

As School starts up for so many of my friends, I think it's important to consider exactly what we want our little one's to know for sure.  This was a good reminder for me already that knowing certain words is awesome but knowing that she is safe and loved matters more.  This is a pretty wonderful list.  Thanks to Alicia at Magical Childhood.

http://magicalchildhood.wordpress.com/2010/08/31/what-should-a-4-year-old-know/

REBLOG: Talking to our daughters about body shape

As a dad of a toddler girl, I don't look forward to her having to navigate these incredibly difficult waters with her.  Unfortunately, I will have to find ways to help her exist happily whatever her body type is.  The link below will show you a young woman's interesting set of advice to put in the hopper.  I am not convinced that avoiding the subject completely is the way to go but I like some of the concepts here.

"Encourage your daughter to run because it makes her feel less stressed. Encourage your daughter to climb mountains because there is nowhere better to explore your spirituality than the peak of the universe. Encourage your daughter to surf, or rock climb, or mountain bike because it scares her and that’s a good thing sometimes"

http://hopeave.wordpress.com/2013/07/29/how-to-talk-to-your-daughter-about-her-body/

There's no such thing as "SAFE".

A few days back I shared the story of Ducky’s first non-stroller walk in the neighborhood.  To recap, it went something like this.

1)walk six feet, sit down and look at a stick for 5 minutes

2)get up and walk 10 feet, sit down and hit 2 rocks together

3)get up and walk 9 feet in the other direction

4)play chicken with an oncoming Nissan until Daddy pulls her out of the way

5)hear a doggie in the window and make a beeline for a stranger's house

6)cry because Daddy won't let her pet the unknown doggie in the stranger's house

7)walk 15 feet pinballing 3 times from one side of the street to the other

8)sit down and play with 2 completely different rocks on the ground

9)repeat at shorter distance intervals ass fatigue increases until she is too tired and Daddy carries    

    her the rest of the way home

10)get home and somehow be a bundle of energy again 

The next day, I had a brilliant idea which was going to resolve the issues of oncoming cars and the distractions of unknown dogs and kids on the route.  We are blessed to live in a county that spends significant resources providing green spaces for residents to use walking, biking, playing, sight-seeing, and picture taking.  The Rollins Savannah is one of those places and happens to be 2 miles from my house.  It's quite perfect.  As we arrived there we found a sign at the mouth of the trail which made me pause to prioritize which gave me pause.  Pictured here is the sign:

 Really!?  Coyotes??  You have marked all the “known dens?”  This seemed unreal to me.  How can I go from getting nervous about cars and probably harmless dogs barking from peoples’ homes and then run to a "safe" place where they need signs to keep your eyes out for what I can only assume are baby-snatching coyotes.  Ridiculous.  This reinforced what should have been an obvious lesson for me.  When it comes to kids, like most things in our lives, there is no such thing as safe, only safer.  As a Dad that thought is scarier than I ever imagined it being but as a person it is what keeps life interesting.  If absolute safe existed, life would be awfully boring because to leave that could seem foolhardy.  Having no complete refuge, no inexorably safe, makes is OK to take risks.  I have the responsibility to take well calculated risks  for me and for Ducky and to try with all that I have to find choices that offer acceptable risk for the experience but there is no capital “S” Safe to be found so risk is an automatic. 

Might as well try to enjoy the ride!

Welcome to Raising a Dad!



It has been a whirlwind 15 months! Our beautiful daughter Ducky joined us in the middle of 2012 and, as would be expected, the whole world changed. She was 8 lbs 1 oz of happy little baby and we knew from minute one how blessed we were to have her. Our family continues to expand as my wonderful wife Allie and I are expecting our second child next February. If all continues as planned, I will get the amazing opportunity to be at home with our kids during the day and I hope to share some of the fun and exciting parts with everybody on here.

Being married to an strong, driven woman has been the highlight of my life so far.  Having been lucky enough to meet her in college so we have had 13 years together already is more than I could have hoped for.  That feeling has only been heightened as we have included a very independent little girl in our home.  I cannot imagine what life will be like with two kids running around; the only guarantee I am willing to make is that it will be insane.  To make sure that we don't ever get into a routine, before Ducky was born we went on a bit of an animal rescue spree.  Over several years, we adopted two seventy pound dogs and two indoor cats.  I am convinced, based on all of this, that I will not run out of things to write about.

Allie and I tend a little toward the hippie end of the spectrum.  As such, we made certain deals with ourselves when we found out we were pregnant.  First, we WILL cloth diaper after a couple weeks when she is big enough for the one sized diapers.  Second, all food and drink WILL be organic and healthy.  Baby WILL breast feed until a year and everything WILL be perfect.  It took about 2 weeks for that to come off the rail.  Try as we might, breastfeeding wouldn't work.  As new parents with a plan, this was a shot to the gut.  One promise we made to ourselves was by the wayside and we weren't even done with maternity leave yet.  Turns out that was a pretty good lesson, "plans are good, humble is better."   We do try to cloth diaper as often as is reasonable but that certainly is not nearly as often as we planned.  I figure 51% would round up to the original "always" we committed ourselves to so we are sort of nailing it.  At this point, it depends on the day if eco-Anthony or lazy-Anthony wins the battle.  Ducky does eat a ton of fruits as planned, often organic.  Unfortunately, about 2 months ago she decided that vegetables were sent here by some evil spirit to make her miserable and that her best defense would be to ignore them.  She doesn't throw a fit, she doesn't drop them off the high chair, she simply acts as if they are not there and if we try to feed them to her she will quietly remove them from her mouth and continue with what she was doing as if we hadn't rudely interrupted her.  We, being of superior intellect, have figured out how to trick a 15 month old using the amazing foil packs.  The foil pack companies are sneaky. They mix broccoli in with the apples and purple carrots with the pears.  I never thought that I would be proud of fooling a baby but here I sit, smiling at our guile. 

Well, now you know a little about us and our family.  The cats, the dogs, the babies, Allie and I will likely all show up prominently in this blog though I want to focus on the parenting aspects of our current existence and specifically on the particular issues encountered by stay at home dads.  We are a growing population but we will encounter situations unique to ourselves and I intend this blog to be a place to engage those.  Thanks for reading and I will catch up with you soon,